Over the past month I have been reading the book Journey of the Heart (John Welwood, 1991). I read most of this book during my business travels over the month of December. December, the time of year when I get to spend a lot more time with my immediate and extended family, as well as with friends. So, at this time of year I was particularly connected with a lot more people on many intimate levels. Exactly what this book was focused on. There I was in many of the situations the book described with a variety of people. So the real question I sought to answer is : Did the writings in this book help me remain in the present moment and be intimate and authentic with each person that I came in contact with. The answer I came up with was yes.
I realize that there is no one book that will bring me conscious awareness but it sure can help to remind me of what I want to accomplish in life. One of those accomplishments are having an authentic relationship with my wife, children, family, and friends that allows me to be who I am. I liken it to a dancer with a partner. Welwood states in his chapter Dancing on the Razor’s Edge
The great paradox of love is that it calls on us to be fully ourselves and honor our individual truth. (pg. 45)
Like the dance between dancers, relationships are the dance on the razor’s edge. Each dance requires the couple to rely on the other for their strengths, grace and willfull participation. Some dances are loving, rife with strife, while others express the individuality of the dancers in an interplay of the unknowingness of the other. The hidden beauty of the dance is the practice and devotion of the dancers to their hidden and public performances. This idea reminds me in a poetic way of just what relationships are; a journey between the known and unknown. I find that it inspires me to push more into the unknown with all my relationships.
Poetics aside, the real value of this book is the underlying theme that relationships are about being our Spiritual Self. Better yet, remembering our Spiritual Self. In the course of life there are times when I know that I have forgotten my Spiritual Self. I feel like it would be very difficult for me without the help of others to remember that for myself. Especially people who are connected and committed to relationships at that level. I think it would be great if relationships could start out with the intention of being authenticate instead of developing relationships into authenticity. I think every person should at least read the section on Commitment as Path (pg. 100) in the chapter Conscious Commitment (pg. 85). He actually has what I would call a “Vow to Recall Love” between individuals in any relationship. It uncovers the simplistic nature of remembering just who we are and why we are in a relationship together. His statement is this:
Whatever problems our personalities have together, we will not let them get between us. If our egos are at war, we will not let that ruin our deeper connection – we will always come back and meet on this deeper level. We will help each other wake up and become all that we can be. We will keep opening to each other and to life itself in and through this relationship. (pg. 101)
This is one of the best ways to say “I am sorry” before you even get in the dog house. The only change I would have made to his statement is to put the positive first then the negative reflections last. Set the intention then the remediation. I think the beauty of it is that it can apply to anyone in any kind of relationship.
Overall, I am very happy with the learning value that I got from the book. I would like to share some of the ideals in a workshop one day and I plan on writing and using this book as a reference. I am going to add this book to my collection, I borrowed this one. Welwood is a thoughtful person who presents the information in an inspiring way that I love. Also, it’s the best relationship book I have read so far.
Bibliography
John Welwood, Ph.D. (1991). Journey of the Heart (1st Edition Ed.). New York: HarperCollins Publishers.